Now total up how many of each letter you chose the most.
“It’s not laziness, you would just rather be doing something else than pruning a shrub”
Perhaps condo living would be best for you. Or maybe you are lucky enough to afford a landscaper to take care of your yard. If not, maybe you should just stick with the lawn. Yes, you have to mow it once a week, but at least you will be getting your steps in. But you are going to need some shade in the yard. Kentucky Coffeetrees are about as low maintenance as you can get. They grow slowly and have no notable disease or pest problems.
“You have yard envy coupled with feelings of inadequacy”
You can certainly appreciate a nice landscape when you see it, but you don’t have the time and/or skills to make it happen. There is no such thing as a “no maintenance” landscape, but you want as close as you can get, with the best results. You’ll want to stick with mostly shrubs that don’t require a lot of pruning, like Tor Spirea, Blue Forest Creeping Junipers, and Vanilla Strawberry™ Hydrangea. An Apple Serviceberry will provide four-season interest: white spring flowers, fruit for birds in summer, brilliant fall color, and elegant structure in winter.
“You will jump in the deep end of the pool, as long as you have a floaty device and a cocktail”
You view your yard as a fun challenge, though don’t want to be a slave to it. You’ve had the occasional impulse plant purchase, but for the most part, you want reliable, easy-to-care-for plants, that also provide the most impact. Boxwood, Annabelle Hydrangea, Summer Peek-a-Boo™ Ornamental Onion, Montrose White Calamint, Salvia, and Little Goldstar Rudbeckia are your go-to mix (depending on sun exposure). Native plants and cultivars would be a welcome addition to your yard, too. Freeman Maples like Autumn Blaze® will quickly grow to give you shade and the neighbors will be impressed with the consistent fall color.
“You’re my hero”
You commit to the landscape that is most admirable and many hope, but fail, to achieve. You walk out the door with Felco Ergonomic hand pruners, ready to wage war on any shrub that has overstepped its boundaries. Rabbits scurry in fear when your shadow crosses the yard. You make your special blend of compost. Finicky, high-maintenance plants are no match for you. You have my blessing to include Japanese Maples, Rhododendrons, Clethras, Coral Bells, and Oriental Lilies in your garden. Go big or go home is your motto, so go ahead and install a majestic Beech Tree.
If this article has shed some cold harsh reality on your gardening fantasy, I do apologize.
So I shall leave you with a joke.
“How did the tree meet her husband?”
“She swiped right on Timber!”
I’m here all season folks! Try the veal!